Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Samwise's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 21st, 2001
10:39 pm	"Out of Touch, Out of Time" The clouds came back today, back to reality. The weather has been amazingly beautiful up here. I could almost imagine I was back home in SD, pretty good for Berkeley weather. I do miss the ocean breeze though. So sunday was just surreal. I think the magic of the show Sat night carried over. I was sailing varsity against 9 other schools and ended up winning 5 of my 6 races and a 4 in that other one. Thats freakin unheard of in a college race. I don't know what was going on. I was just sailing, not even being super serious. Hell, i was singing GUK and NFG on the start line. I just kept getting to the first mark first. It was just happening, odd. The team was stoked. With my overall win in my fleet combined with my partner's score in her flee the Cal Wahine team won the regatta overall. Major accomplishment for us. Sweet deal. We celebrated with a drunken BBQ. RAd Yesterday i played a game of Ultimate with the UW kids who were sleeping on my floor (theyre on spring break) I could almost pretend i was on the beach. Sushi and drunken karaoke followed practice that afternoon and then more class today. The UW kids left this mornig-so a few more classes and I fly down south on Sunday. sweet deal Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Dashboard Confessional (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 18th, 2001
2:36 am	St Pat's Day Ay Carumba! What a day, what a day. Yeah I woke up this morning drunk. Yep, and was still drunk when I had to sail my first race this morning, oh well (it was a big night). I ended up 4th of 14, kick ass! So it was all good. Anyhow, got home changed my shirt and went to the show. It was magical, such an awesome show!!! Weezer and GUK play the SD tomorrow and Pat- you are in for such a treat. Get up Kids were ridiculously awesome. I was jumping and shouting lyrics through the whole set, except for one song i didn't know. Damn the Corporations for taking away Napster. Anyhow, they played all my favorites-Red letter day, ten minutes, coming cleanand MAss Pike was utterly amazing. AMazin. The crowd had so much energy, everyone was dancing and jumping, even two crowdsurfers, unlike any emo crowd I ve ever seen before. When the set ended I.... ummm yeah, I cried. It was just so awesome!!! I was dancing and singing along and was just so into it. It was sort of emotionally overwhelming. And then Weezer came on. Pretty sweet. An awesome encore -Only in Dreams and Surf Wax USA. It was beautiful. Something odd has come to my attention- Alk3 is touring with Blink this summer. So much for small venues. But does that seem like an odd combo for anyone else? Anyhow- Get Up kids rule (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 16th, 2001
1:11 am	icky yeah so forget chutes and ladders. Im in a rut. it s super weird. Im not excited about anything- everything is going alright, i just feel empty. Annapolis was great, I ve got my house, i finished up my last midterm before spring break today, weezer and GUK are saturday, i have a race,then an easy week of school, and then break, which should, by all counts, be good. No Cabo, but i'll be down in LA with James and then sweet ol San Diego. No guy trouble. Actually no guys at all- no secret crushes or infatuations or stalkers. My latest infatuation dried up this last week, so my insides are just kinda blah right now. No hormonal rollercoaster. I think i counted sometime last year and since the age of 12 this brief respite has only occured a total of about 5 weeks. If i worked out as much as my hormones did, i would have like 2% body fat. But none of that. Nothing, zinch, nada, zero activity is going on. So why do i feel icky? Shouldn't I be feeling relaxed or restive? Why can't I sleep? Instead< i'm sitting at my computer in the dark listening to Dave Mattews. I ve always been an insomniac, but there is no reason right now. There is no one on IM, no new email, alas- only LJ can save me! Even Jerry isn't offering any solace. Do humans need drama? Do I just thrive on it? Or am i just an unmotivated hermit who didn't do enough today to deserve sleep? WHy am I a void? Void, good word. "A space between your heart and mind is the space we fill with time. A space between" Space "Take my hand and ride right out of here cuz Love is all we need" I know Im loved. My friends, My family. I know they love me. Why am I not strong enough to keep this knowledge near me? Why do i need constant remainders? I am weak. Why do i need so much? I have to be constantly presented with love in order to bellieve it. You would think i was neglected as a child or something. But i wasn't. I am so fortunate, and yet i need, or rather want someone, no everyone to love me hold me all the time. Yes i realize that this is unreasonably and retarded. I realize im selfish too. Ok now Im just whining, and thats SOOOOOOO much better and mature. My roomate, Mela-whore, once told me i was a bitch and thrived on drama. Maybe she was right. Do I need drama? DO i just set people up? Do i set myself up? Nothing is wrong. Nothing. ANd yet I have whined for a page or so. I guess i do need drama. Why do i feel the need to be either hysterically wacky or a moody babbling moron? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 8th, 2001
1:45 pm	Ups and Downs Sometimes my life feels like a game of Chutes and Ladders. Way up, way down, a little up and a little down. I found that house and made arrangements with the landlord, got bitched out by a guy who wanted the house and said if i was a decent person, I d give it up. Went to the LEss than Jake/ Newfound Glory show, got kicked in the head by a crowd surfer who tore the earrings out of my cartilidge with his freaking Osiris shoe, talked to the landlord who said yesterday if i could get the agreement to her by today, i could get the house, then i couldn't find one of my housemates by the time the post office closed so I ended up borrowing a car and driving all the way to the landlady's house. Then was notified that one of my housemates is opening for Homegrown this summer!! So I think Im on an up, but am watching for the next chute. Im off to Annapolis this weekend to sail and show the Eastside what's up, so hopefully the down will be something like no more gardenburgers in the cafeteria so the trip will be an up. Maybe it will snow.............. weather, yuck On the upside, it gave me an excuse to continue towards my goal of converting my entire wardrobe into fleece or fuzzy/spft materials. I went to REI and got a fleece pair of long underwear. Ohhh baby im loving it. Next on my list- a fleece polo shirt was sighted in a window on Telegraph. Why do I have this obsession? Please help, Im outta control "HI MY NAME IS SAM AND I AM A FLEECE-AHOLIC" scary but true. Now im off to continue with my craxy life (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 3rd, 2001
1:13 am	HELL YEAH!! I'm sooooooooooooo freakin stoked. Guess what? Im going to have rent! Yes, this is the only time i will ever be stoked on it, so i feel I have to make it last. Anyhow, me and three other kids from the sailing team are going to rent a house next year. Yes people a HOUSE!!! with my very own washer and dryer and .....dishwasher!!! woohoo. I got so excited with the anticipation of my future domesticity that i changed my sheets sorted my socks and and did three loads of laundry. Yes im poatheetic, but a pathetic fool that has a HOUSE! Its three bedroom, 2 stories and im cooking dinner evey night for the four of us, and we are hosting all the sailing parties. Ground Zero for Craziness. Im stoked Oh- i almost forgot to say the name of our future house. in keeping with the fraternity/soroity tradition our house will be known by three letters- A D D (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 1st, 2001
2:30 am	Nada I have nothing interesting to say. Nada. Zip. Zero. I reading over my entries and i feel kin da ashamed. " Sam did this, then this, i wore that, and went there." I sould like an empty headed blond sorority girl. Did an original thoought ever cross my mind? Did i have anything that resembled a meaningful experience? Did I grow? Are my days memorable, or am I just collecting enough artillery to bore my children? Well, i went to class, went sailing, to my film noir class, and then to a rave from which i am just returning. Nada (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 25th, 2001
10:28 pm	The Final Chapter So Saturday was pretty cool. I went shopping with the SEXY BITCHES (the name of the female faction of the Cal SAiling team, we have t shirts and everything) So sshopping and then preparation for the James Bond party. My team mate hosted a massive 007 party and it was pretty freakin cool. I went as Dr Holly Goodhead from Moonraker. i wore a short black skirt and black knee high boots to get the retro effect anda lab coat with a name tag on it-DR GOODHEAD. i had a cap gun tucked into each boot and a water pistol (which later got filled with vodka) in my lab coat. In my other lab coat pocket were my fuzzy handcuffs. So it was pretty wild. The other kick ass costume was James wrapping a sheet around his waist and being "Bond after Sex" Wyld Tymes (Comment on this)
10:10 pm	The Saga continues Im starting to feel like Luke Skywalker or something with theis everlasting saga. Ok, so if my week sucked, Friday rocked. I was still sick with my cold, but Sacha came up from Santa Cruz and we went to The City to take "streetlife" pictures for her photography assignment. It was easily the most diverse experience I have ever had in that awesome city, and i have had some stories take place there, but this trip was just cool. I saw sooo much, and Sacha got it on film. First we headed over to China town and got some great shots in the live market with the live frogs, and turtles ): and watched them chop fish in front of us. One guy shoved a live lobster at Sacha and I got yelled at in Chinese for being in the way by like 8 different guys all a foot shorter than me. or eye level which is even scarier. Then we headed back towards Market and saw 2 pro skaters being photographed inan action sequence jumping a gap. So Sacha got right next to the photographer to get the same angle and i watched as the guy cleared the 6 ft gap, but ate it on the pavement and had his board wheel off towards a trendily dressed European couple. They gracelessy scrambled to avoid the flying object while yelling "Oh Sheet" in a rich Italian accent. It was great, kind of an ultimate clash of cultures. Then we cruised down Market and took pictures of various street performers and a rally protesting some free trade movement. We ended up at the Powell BART stop where there were a bunch of people chillin and playin chess right out on the street on card tables. It was an awesome trip. We then did a little bit of shopping and made it back to Berkely at about 9. So we freshened up and went off to the International House and had a two glasses of wine and had some very excellent conversation about culture and family and deep thoughts in general. Finally we stumbled home ( 2 glasses on an empty stomach and fatigued body) giggling all the way. It was a great chill and mellow night. We stopped at my dorm to harass Ed and coerced him into a midnight (or 1 am) pizza run. All in all it was a pretty perfect afternoon/evening (Comment on this)
10:04 pm	The SAM Saga Part II Alright, so last week was fairly stressful and i had things to do. tHe problem was, i wass feeling rather apathetic and got the bare minimum done. Which kinda screwed me in the end. I had two midterms and not even the power rule could save me from the Cal-clueless one. You all still love me even though I can't do advanced math right? ANyhow Ed helped out a lot. I wish I couuld get over this hump though. All i want to do is sleep and eat and not deal with anyone. Its hard to avoid myself though. And thats who I have the biggest problem with. So it wasn't the greatest, but.....lo que sea. (Comment on this)
9:44 pm	Overdue Update Yeah so its been a week. Unfortunately, tons has happened, so its going to be another mother of an entry. However in my twisted little mind, iM thinking that if I do lik, 3 entries all right now, than it wont seem as overwhelming. Does that makes sense? So same amount of Info but I'll break it up to make it look smaller. Its a strategy I used back in the day when I was six and didn't like veggies. Id spread them out over the plate and make piles here and there intead of the one immense serving my mom doled out. I think it was lima beans thaat most often recieved this attention. I t works real well with mashed potatoes, but i always liked those. Ok so last week-fairly stressful. Oh wait, I have to do last weekend. Wow I am behind. So last weekend I flew home to hangout in the homeland. Minor detail here-Mom was deathly ill. I had no idea she was even sick. I had talked to her on tues and she had a minor cold. She went to the doctoron friday and he sasddi if she had let it go one more day it would have been pnemonia, and with Mumsies missing part of her immune system (she has no spleen) it gets real serious real quick. So Friday she was really sick so i got some takeout and brought a movie and some ice cream. Saturday however, was even worse so i spent the day getting water for her and popsicle and went to the video store twice, watching a total of three movies that day. Serious TV time.. I haven't watched it in eons too. Anyhow Sunday, that women scared me even more than when she let me watch Dances with wolves when i was iin the 4th grade. (the amputation scrne was spent behind the couch) Anyhow she was incoherent and fading in and out of conciousness and about the color of my white t shirts. So i laid with her and watched two movies, but she didn't even know i was there. Sunday night I actually left the house and took the dog to the beach with Pat and watched the waves reflect the moonlight. SOme peace at least. And i flew out Monday morning. I did get to spend some time with Taz and that was rad but none of the So cal wildness was destined to take place. So that was the weekend (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 15th, 2001
11:45 am	Red Light District Typical- just got my valentines day prez from Mommy Dearest. Its a hot pink and red neon sign, (yes people NEON SIGN, i have to plug it in) anyway Hot pink and red sign, in the shape of a heart with the words "Too Hot" written in red neion letters. Oh my. I love my Mom Yeah. Its going up in the window right now. All i need is for one of the letters to go out, or flicker. Can Berkeley even handle me? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:30 am	National Chocolate Day You know what? Yesterday didn't suck that hard. I was all prepared to be hounded by my loveless life and struck by the apparent completeness of others. Well it didn't happen. I got tons of love through the mail, computer, and friends. All the essential elements were present, cards from friends, some flowers, chocolate, and even a kick ass CD in the mail from Sir Patrick. (YOU RULE!!) Also I was able to laugh at the endless lines spewing from all the flower shops. So I attended all classes , took a late afternoon nap, went to James's and did some reading and made Mexican hot chocolate. I had a wonderful evening and spent an hour on the phone with Mumsies and Taz. So in short, people love me and couples can kiss while waiting in endless flower lines. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2001
3:58 pm	WAZZZZZUUP Yes Im a slacker! Raise your hand if you didn't already know that.....Right. I thought not. So Sam, please tell us, wazzup with you? Well, since you asked, i will now expound to profound lengths about the last week. Brace your selves.... So lets see, Basically all is good. Friday was marked by an 80s party. I got a yellow petty coat and a black tank top that said BODY SHOP on it. ANd i did my David Bowie 80s make up. if any of you special ones remember my junior year halloween costume, you know what im talking about. BAsically my eye makeup takes up half my face. Its why Tanaks called me Billie Idol for two years. It was freakin COLD this weekend though. Artic storms can bite it. Anyhow I sailied up in Vallejo and despite the fact I had a plastic spray suit over my wetsuit over my thermals i lost feeeling in all extremeties. But I looked damn sexy let me tell you! I ended up 6th out of 15 in the varsity fleet so i was fairly stiked but extremely tired. I made a brief appearance after the regatta in my cowboy hat toting an empty 2 gal jug of what used to be OJ, but i told everyone it was moonshine. It was cool Um, slept most of the remaining weekend, completed Hannibal (can i just say WHOA!) and diid laundry on Sunday. Thajt took for ever, usually people are just ruthless for dryers but this wekend i had to fight for my washer, and i had fourloads to do.....it wasn't pretty Monday was rad. I went into the City to see ColdPlay (hit single Yellow) They rocked. The venue was just awesome withtwo rows of chandekliers that had black lights in them. The warm up band was PowderFinger from the land of Oz. I do love that accent. I could describe them as maybe futuristic emo, but that doesn't encompass all of it. I honestly dont know what would. Coldplay rocked! Mellow and fun and raad. During "Sparks" they all sat down. The bass guitar player was sitting Indian Style the wwhole song, it was really cool; a good vibe. SO those are the highlights. I might subject you to a VAlentines Day entry, but not quite yet.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 7th, 2001
11:50 pm	Really Exciting Stuff- Hang on to your Hats Read half of Thomas Harris's Hannibal and watched Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon. I told you it was exciting. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:38 am	Spam-Kus Haikus about Spam, how cool can you get? Moments of pleasure: The small noise when the seal breaks When opening SPAM. I felt a small thrill When I nicked my finger On the can's sharp edge. In the cabinet, It lurks, unseen, forgotten.... Then you move the soup. AMSPay aikuhay Ogicallay Anguagelay: Igpay Atinlay. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 6th, 2001
11:58 pm	Fluffy Feelings Beware Boys- lots of girlie things ahead! Yep fluffy soft cozy and gushy feelings. RAd. I just talked to Mumsisies, and she had a spectacular time in the city, and im super stoked. Shes been working really hard lately, so i am just stoked that she got a little bit of a brak and enjoyed herself, she deserves much more than just a weekend though. So thats one gushy feeling. The other is that I ve been feeling incredibly maternal for the last 24 hours. Its really random too. I skinned my knee yesterday. Yeah. How long has it been (barring all skaters) since YOU last skinned your knee? like 5th grade? Its a really good one too, no skin at all on about 3/4 of my knee cap. I was racing down a hall way and my crappy ankle gave out. The weird thing is, instead of getting all mad ( which is a bona fide option as now the scaab is healing and it throbs constantly) all im thinking about is kids. YOINKS SCOOBY!! You know how your parents always kissed your cut knees and elbows after a grueling water fight or baseball game? Well all i can think about is kissing my kids' elbows. Its really scary. But seriously, its like the most awesome thing that you can do to your kids-kiss them, and tickle them of course. Ok, boys you can uncover your eyes, i think i might be over it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:47 pm	"Just the Facts Ma'am" Pat thinks i write too much. So Ill keep it short and not subject you all to the boring epic that is sam. Yesterday I slept alot and went to practice, which for some reason was really fun. I dont know why, it was just one of those good days. Anyhow i went home with James and got yummy dorm food and then hung out there.Highlights of the night include the washer breaking just after saturating his clothes with soap. So we threw them in his bathtub and i rinsed them amish style, sitting in the tub with the clothes (in my swim suit) and kind of rubbing them against a makeshift washboard. Can we say GHETTO? I love the dorms, sike. Class has been good so far, one more and then a sailing meeting tonight and then to the gym. Fascinasting. Ohh highlight-Edamame for dinner tonight!! (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 4th, 2001
10:22 pm	Small Pleasures You guys aren?t going to believe this?..its Sunday night and I have no homework!! Im so stoked, Sam, due to some catastrophic shift in the stars, somehow completed her homework during the week, and now can sit here contentedly and munch on carrots and reflect on my weekend. It was pretty cool. It was the Chinese New Year on Saturday (Happy Year of the Snake everyone!) and my mother was actually in the city to meet a friend. It was sooo rad to see her, I miss her all the time. Anyhow we met up in Union Square and spent the morning shopping (shoes and Victoria?s Secret- double SCORE!!!) Then we returned to the hotel to get my mother ready for her date, it was super cute. She incredibly nervous (1st date in a while) and I kept having to tell her to breathe deeply. Finally when she was flustered enough and on the point of a major melt down I had her repeat, "I am an intelligent, calm, funny, intriguing, and confident woman." Finally her guy showed up and she turned on the charm. It was a riot. I was chuckling all through Chinatown (thats where I went after dropping Mom off.) It was pretty packed and there were little kids with firecrackers running everywhere. It was darling. I watched the dancing dragons and the parades and marveled at all the silken costumes. Its really cool to see such a strong culture with long standing traditions and a belief system thats still firmly entrenched. I wish more people in the US had that. That night I met up with the kids (sailing) in North Beach (the Italian part of SF) for dinner. We all laughed and sang and made merry. It was definitely cool. After dinner we strolled through the city and eventually made it back to Berkeley. One notable incident here: Between San Francisco and Berkeley I got engaged. Yep. James proposed to me. Actually it was pretty classic. We were goofing off in the BART station and decided to cause a scene. So we acted the whole thing out, complete with flowers (I had acquired a few behind my ear while walking from the restaurant) I t was pretty funny, I would have rolled on the floor in a fit of laughter if it was any other place besides a subway station. Anyhow, back in Berkeley we watched a movie and ate way too much chocolate so James Abby and I were all wired at 330 in the morning. There was a tickling brawl worthy of WWF and a couple delirious moments when I think there was a stuffed animal squid on my head. Hey, the witching hour does that too me. We did have a wonderful Sunday morning though. We all (very) gradually woke up and had a classic lazy Sunday morning. When I was a little girl my father would always put on surf music and cook a big family breakfast and I would stay in my pajamas til noon. It was great, nothing to do but chill together. That was my morning all over again, except college style this time-my surrogate family (James and Abby), and I was the one cooking eggs instead of Dad, but I did put on the surf music. Then we all went over to the Sailing Center and worked on boats until the dusk. So I came home and got cheap Chinese food, cleaned my room, did laundry and all my other Sunday chores, and then showered and am now enjoying a laid back Sunday night with NO homework!!!! Yay!! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 2nd, 2001
11:43 pm	Friday Night Today wasn't so bad, class, a few errands, and then sailing practice. I sang a lot and made the recruits laugh. Rad. Then the sailing kids and I all went out to see Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. It seriously ruled!! The fight scenes were awesome, the story compelling, and i was, of course, fascinated by the flying, (and the love story) Anyhow, I cried, a lot, the beginning, the middle, the end. When Li Mu Bai said, "i would rather wander the Earth as a condemed spirit by your side than enter Heaven without you" I completely lost it and cried like a baby. The team, as usual, luaghed at me but it was all good. THEY FLEW! It kicked some major butt! Then we all went back to Abbys and ate chocolate, and then as predicted, Sam got wacky, and started a tickling match and got her butt whooped. Will I never learn? No, then it wouldnt be as much fun!! (Comment on this)
12:21 pm	"One Good Thing About Music......." Just an observation. I really do think life is more joyous with music. Things just seem to flow better when its on. I mean when its out in public, outside. Berkeley is one of the few places i see people walking around with beat boxes on their shoulders. When they pass you on the corner, the music (whether disco, punk, rap, etc i heard all three today) fills the air and sort of takes me away from the reality. I just stand there and look around, feeling detached. The music makes me step back and just look, take in the whole scene, also adding an element of enjoyment to the panorama. It sort of gives me an insight on things, i dont know if i learn anything, it just gives me a different perspective. Kinda like rose colored glasses or something. Maybe its just a stronger sense of appreciation. Rambling on, what is music anyhow? What makes a good song? How come certain frequencies combine to form something so universialy appreciated? WHy, if you are just a note off, can it suddenly turn "bad". How do you judge anyhow? is it just an innate instinct present in all of us? Do we have instincts for music? That would be a cool evolutionary project. My band friends kept trying to explain the mathematical concepts behind music, but i was reluctant to view something so incredibly abstract through the eyes of unemotional and rational science. Maybe its magic, or maybe it is math. Either way its a highlight of my day when i can just slip my headphones on and walk through the world. It s sort of like experiencing the world without really becoming involved in it. The sounds of traffic, yelling, skating, and babbling are supplanted by the rifts and melodies of my choice; kinda peaceful. Yeah we all know I m an escapist. Magic or Math? Maybe both, but it would be kinda sad if the highlight of my day was Math. (1 Comment |Comment on this)